A tree and me

The desire to give up (on life) is looming large, but…

I saw a tree today
Its trunk and branches covered with scars
Where it had connected with wires that
Interfered with its growth.
There were many scars, but the tree
Was beautiful, covered in green,
Growing strong, growing up
Into the sky and towards the sun.

I am like that tree today,
With a sad old heart carrying scars
Where I have connected with events that
Interfered with my growth.
But, rooted in streams of living water
I am beautiful, covered by grace,
Growing strong, growing up
Into the sky and towards the Son.

Written by Ali 5 Nov. 09

Thoughts

No dress, no party, no husband. Just a fool who thinks we can still be "friends".

Smashing idols

Amazing revelation this morning! I get it now! I understand (some of) the reason for the pain of the past five years! I said in another post that God has been smashing dreams. I know now that He has been smashing idols;
1) missionary service,
2) Burnside Christian Church (the perfect church), and
3) marriage.
In at least two of these cases, I have rushed ahead of God and not waited for His timing, his leading. Deciding on a path (good but not perfect) and pursuing it without waiting on God first, has been to my destruction. I have been bitterly disappointed, and there is a lesson in it.

My devotion (by Selwyn Hughes) this morning had these words: “So from now on let there be no trucking with idols, no substitutes, no less gods, no god-shelf on which Jesus stands as one among many other gods. Sweep every idol from your life. There must be no substitute for Him. Let your resolve be “Him only”. Make these powerful words of the hymnist your constant prayer:

“The dearest idol I have ever known,
Whatever that idol be,
Help me to tear it from its throne,
And worship only Thee.
Amen.”

P.S. I am praying that with this ‘smashing of idols’ I will learn now to be more humble, more patient and willing to wait on God’s timing, His will for any situation.

Sunshine on My Shoulders

I find that my brain tends to give me songs that match my mood. Today it's "Sunshine on My Shoulders". I found the lyrics on the internet.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a tale that I could tell you
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high
Sunshine almost always

Words by John Denver, music by John Denver, Dick Kniss and Mike tTaylor

Lentil dhal for poverty lunch

I was asked to make one lentil dhal for a 'poverty lunch' at church tomorrow. It's Micah Sunday, and so we are remembering the poor in the service and in the sermon, but also in the way we eat together over lunch. On the menu is rice and dahl, water and fruit. Pretty simple, but even more luxurious than some people eat most days.

Micah Challenge is a global movement of Christian agencies, churches, groups and individuals which aims to deepen people's engagement with the poor and to help reduce poverty as an integral part of our Christian faith. Micah Challenge takes its name from the prophet Micah, who wrote, "What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God" Micah 6:8

Okay, so here's the recipe, taken straight off the web: Lentil dhal at Taste. com.au

Lentil dhal

Preparation Time 10 minutes

Cooking Time 20 minutes

Ingredients (serves 4)
1 cup (300g) red lentils, rinsed well
3cm fresh ginger, sliced
2 bay leaves
1 cinnamon stick
2 tbs (40g) butter
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tsp turmeric
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp garam marsala
1/2 tsp chilli flakes
2 tbs lemon juice
1/2-1 tsp salt
1 tbs chopped coriander leaves
Naan bread or pappadums, to serve

Method
Place lentils, ginger, bay leaves and cinnamon in a large saucepan with 3 cups of cold water. Bring to the boil, reduce the heat to medium and simmer, stirring to prevent sticking for 10-12 minutes. Discard spices and set aside.

Heat the butter in a large frying pan over a medium high heat. Add the onion and cook for 3 minutes. Stir in the garlic, turmeric, cumin, garam marsala and chilli flakes and cook for a further minute or until fragrant. Stir in the lemon juice and season to taste with salt.

Add the lentils to the pan and mix well. Cook for a further 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from the heat. Stir in coriander and serve hot with naan bread or pappadums.

Grateful List Project

Okay, I'm going to try posting the 'Grateful List Project' here instead or as well as on facebook, at Ingrid's suggestion.

The 'Grateful List Project' is something that I've started doing recently, just a way of practising thankfulness. A friend got me onto this, though I think the concept had occurred to me at some stage before. For me, the basic principle comes from this verse: 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." and Romans 12:2, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." I know that I am far too negative and critical, and would like to be less so. This is one way of addressing that problem, and turning it around. Here goes...

Grateful List Project 17/10
1) For Sarah and Steve’s friendship and the opportunity to stay over and help out with their garage sale.
2) For two 2-year old boys to entertain and be entertained by!
3) A ‘new’ second-hand book to read. (“The Spirit-Controlled Woman” by Beverly LaHaye)
4) That bad haircuts don’t last forever.

Risk

Found this on the net today, and liked it. Think I will make it my new "life motto".

“Risk” by Hugh Prather

To laugh, is to risk playing the fool
To weep, is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another, is to risk involvement
To expose feelings, is to risk exposing our true selves
To put your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk loss
To love, is to risk not being loved in return
To live, is to risk dying
To hope, is to risk despair
To try at all, is to risk failure.

But risk must be taken
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they simply cannot learn, change, feel, grow, love, live…
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves
Only the person who risks is free!

Chats with God

God and I had a chat today, as we are want to do... actually, it's usually me doing all the talking, and not much listening. Today was a little different. It went something like this...
Ali: "Why? Why me, Lord? What did I do to deserve this? I must be doing something wrong, coz You keep smashing my dreams... First, the dream of missions work: SMASH! then the dream of being happily married: SMASH! I'm not getting what I want, so I must be wanting the wrong things. What am I supposed to be wanting?"
God: "Me. You're supposed to be wanting me."
Ali : "I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Are these other things not compatible with loving You?"
[Later...]
God: "Do you believe I can bring amazing, incredibly good things out of this 'tragedy'?"
Ali: "NO! I FREAKING WELL DON'T! NOW, GO AWAY!! " [then] "maybe...?"
God: "I need you to work with me; believe and trust that I am Big and Loving and Powerful enough to bring good out of bad..."
Ali: "I'll think about it..."

Still thinking...